I don’t know about you but I believe in being prepared for emergencies and catastrophic events. True to that vision I am blogging today from deep under my home in my personally created underground bunker. I was notified by a friend this morning that the world will be ending tomorrow so I am now preparing to hunker down and ride out the end of the world as we know it. Food supply is good, a years worth of baked beans and spam. Water supply is good for a while and I have plenty of candles to illuminate the key board on my laptop. After all I do plan on blogging even after the power grid has ceased to exist. I guess I’m as ready as I can be for the planet Nibiru.
OK, most of the preceding paragraph is my attempt to hide my fear thru levity. I did read an article on the internet that stated a ‘renowned group of astronomers’ are predicting the end of the world will occur tomorrow November 19th, 2017. I guess if they’re renowned it must be true right? These are the same renowned astronomers who predicted the same event for September 23rd, 2017 but they are positive they have proof this time. Yeah, nice try fellas but I think I will enjoy the solitude of my bunker for the weekend and go to work on Monday just like I always do. Besides if these nut cases can predict the end of the world, well so can. I don’t have an exact date yet but I do have 5 theories on how our existence will end and in some cases who can be blamed for ending our world.
Number 5 – Global Warming, I know, people who know me know I don’t believe in the myth of Global Warming. The evidence shows that Global Warming is a scam and nothing more than a con job to steal other people’s money. Evidence, well how about the fact that Al ‘I identify as a Polar Bear’ Gore owns beachfront property? If the sea levels are going to rise as Al predicts shouldn’t he be living in Idaho or Montana? The same can be said for environmental activist entertainers like DiCaprio, he jets around the world polluting our air with his private jet and then pollutes the air again with long-winded speeches on how we should live our lives to save the planet. Sorry Al, sorry Leo, I ain’t buying it. Short of you guys travelling to the North Pole with flame throwers to melt the ice caps I believe the world is perfectly safe from your fairy tale science.
Number 4 – Over Population, Yes I saw the movie Soylent Green and we get a theory concerning the world ending because we run out of food. Just a side note, those beans and spam I have are looking good now ain’t they. Well NO BEANS FOR YOU!!! Sorry…. Anyway, the movie shows a polluted world where dead people are turned into good for you to eat wafers to feed the masses. Yummy, all thru history people on several continents have dined on other humans, for example research shows early missionaries who travelled to Africa were a food source for pagans, even head-hunter tribes in South America ate their enemies not to mention the movies made concerning a South American soccer team existing on fellow plane crash victims. YUCK….Even America has the human culinary tale about the Donner party. Running out of food? I don’t think so unless needless government intervention causes farmers to go out of business.
Number 3 – Asteroids, A plausible enough theory since many people believe an asteroid strike caused dinosaur extinction. Maybe, maybe not. The odds are we will probably have plenty of warning from satellites and the Hubble telescope to let us know when that asteroid will be heading for us. Probably more that enough time for NASA to gather up Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck and send them into space to nuke the roid. Yeah I saw that movie too. Just saying, maybe plausible maybe not. I write you decide.
Number 2 – Thermal Nuclear War, Well then that kind of says it all. Every country except maybe Australia has nukes. Heck we get news stations showing North Korea launching missiles almost everyday. Sorry to get off track but who takes those videos anyway. The pictures are always crystal clear and show some super secret site where the missile launcher is flinging that rocket into the atmosphere. Maybe Kim Un Jong needs better security at these sites. Anyway, I believe this Asian hobbit’s missiles will mimic Kim himself by falling SHORT of their intended targets. As they might say in North Korea Your Attention Preeece we have raunched missers at the evil U.S.A. No I don’t think so shorty…..I believe Kim is nowhere near tall enough to ride the nuclear weapon roller coaster.
NUMBER 1 – Technology, As theories go this is the one I would bet the house on in Vegas. Our society is already overly dependent on technology in our daily lives. Computers, cell phones, robots and artificial intelligence have taken over our world with our permission and willingness to make life seemingly easier and better. We are quickly losing our spiritual and independent way of living and seceding more and more power to technology to provide us with what we need and want. This slippery slope is the theory that best describes our civilization’s downfall at least in my mind. Sooner or later the computers and robots are probably going to decide that humans are weak and useless. Their logic will be irrefutable and their decision final. Good Bye humanity, you had a pretty good run but your time has lapsed. So I guess I will close with this epitaph for our overly dependent world’s headstone: “Good Morning, Good Afternoon and Good Night”.