WARNING: While several gift items listed below are actually available for purchase there are several others that are figments of the authors imagination. Therefore none of the gift ideas expressed here are meant to be taken literally. You have been warned!!!!!
Just in time for Christmas, the perfect gift for any liberal/progressive on your list: I present to you, The Hillary Clinton Tree Topper Angel. Some company gave Hillary the Angel treatment with wings and a white pant suit. Selling for around a hundred dollars at fine retailers near you or on-line. Hillary Clinton as an Angel, now that’s funny I don’t care who you are…………
On-sale at Amazon for the progressive reader in your life is ‘Santa’s Husband’ by Daniel Kibblesmith. Sure to become a classic that will replace Night Before Christmas as a traditional Christmas book to read on Christmas Eve. This tome tells the heart-felt story of Santa and his husband Mr. Black Santa Claus. WOW, sounds exciting, I’m sure every family raising gender free children will want a copy of this soon to be classical tale. My take on this is that it actually makes sense. Santa knows he is a target in any black neighborhood because he is a white man. Might as well marry a black guy and have him deliver gifts to the bad sections of town. Even Santa is using diversity in his workplace. Google must be proud.
I read about a defense contractor who has begun marketing land mines disguised as prayer rugs in Afghanistan. Apparently business is great with the Taliban, according to the company’s latest projections Prophets are thru the roof. OK maybe this one isn’t quite available on the rug market yet………….
Having a tough time searching for that perfect gift for the enviro-nazi on your list? Well look no further, purchase WE RISE by Xiuhtezcatl Martinez. Apparently this young man is a climate activist, hip-hop artist (those particular words are funny when written together) and founder of Earth Guardians, whatever in the heck that is. Anyway, your purchase of this book will help Mr. X make money from the hoax of Climate Change and help him someday reach the same financial level as the most famous Climate Change con-man alive Mr. Al Gore. That is right ladies and gentlemen only you can help an unknown climate activist/hip-hop artist become rich and famous. Besides that, this kid is suing the U.S. government for destroying the planet so he probably needs money for lawyers. Buy now………Hey X, I am only having a little fun with you, please don’t take me seriously after all I sure as heck don’t take you seriously.
For those Democrats that still feel the Bern and I ain’t talking hemorrhoids, there is the Forever Sanders The Revolution Continues bumper sticker. Yes, everybody’s favorite socialist is back and he is still looking to cash in on his socialist message by using capitalism to enrich his bank account. What an ironic and devious plan Bernie is using to preach the horrors of capitalism, selling socialist merchandise on the internet. The sheer genius of Bernie’s mind is almost too much for me to handle.
Maybe you have a want-to-be social justice warrior on your list but they are really not sure if they want to leave your basement and actually fight for what they think is right. Maybe they are afraid of hearing a conservative speak, or maybe they might accidentally see a Nativity Scene this time of year and their atheist brain will melt down. Well for these hard to buy for creatures you might want to consider a shirt from Morty’s Politically Correct T_Shirt Shop. For a racial SJW may I suggest a Black Olives Matter shirt or for that Islam supporter in your life a Death to Juice shirt, whatever the resistmas person on your list is crying about now, Morty’s is sure to have the perfect shirt. If you act now, Morty has a pre-Christmas sale, for every 2 shirts you buy a 3rd shirt will only cost you double. Socialism at its best for the holiday season from Morty.
OK having a little fun with gift ideas and the last one might be tough to find on-line. Sorry if it seems like I pick on liberals and progressives but they are just so funny I can’t resist. I actually do love their Utopian ideas for our world. The problem is those ideas are unrealistic in the real world and can never come true. Anyway just like the voices in my head liberals do have some interesting ideas from time to time.
All suggestions written here were an attempt poor or otherwise to add some humor to your day. I provide the sarcasm you judge the comedy content. See I believe in a free society.
I want to thank you for this time together, to hopefully share a laugh or two, and if you were offended, well that’s just too bad for you……………………………………