These gifts can be meant to be taken literally or they can be viewed as a means by which a politically incorrect blogger such as myself takes advantage of the opportunity to poke fun at mentally ill liberals.
For the trans-racial person on your Christmas list how about the Al Jolson shoe polish kit that comes in black or brown. Help that confused individual on your list get into character any time the urge strikes.
For the trans-gender creature on your hard to get for list, may I suggest a copy of the song ‘I Gotta Be Me” by Sammy Davis Jr. The song fits any transitioning human and is sure to be uplifting and confidence building.
For the Hillary Clinton fan who still might be crying about her election loss, I present the tissue of the month club. Every month the adult crybaby on your list will receive a new box of tissues to cry in and lament her candidate’s election loss. Choose from a wide assortment of tissues including plain or lotion infused.
For the Obama supporter in your life a one-way ticket to Kenya. That’s right, a trip to our last President’s birth land. Tour the hut he was born in, throw the spear he used to kill his first lion and of course visit the enchanted tiki room bar will Barry first laid eyes on the ‘lovely’ Michelle. Right now Morty’s Purely Fictional World of Travel will get your friend or family member there in style. Trips include one-way airfare, seating in the luggage cabin, a 2 day cruise on a tramp steamer and a safari out into the jungle where you will be left alone to die in the wilderness. Book now seats are going fast. Rumor has it that Oprah and Rosie O’Donnell took this trip and wildlife officials in Kenya say they haven’t seen the hyenas this well fed since Chris Christie visited.
For the feminist on your list how about membership to the Eva Braun Feminist boot camp. Six days and seven nights in a secret location where your gift receiver is trained to order men around with authority. Hillary was top of her class in 1944. Highlights include sandwiches made by men and men only, ironing of uniforms done by men, and a free album of Eva Braun doing Hillary Clinton speeches in German.
For enviro-nazis who may be polluting your naughty list think about a job as a roadie for the most famous Global Warming entertainer of all time Al ‘I Made-It Up’ Gore. Travel to city after city leaving a carbon footprint big as Al’s backside (and that’s BIG) where-ever you go. I’m sure a good kool aid drinking Democrat like Al pays all roadies $15 an hour. Join the tour I’m sure the groupies are outta sight.
For John McCain fans on your list may I suggest the game Open Borders. The object is to get as many Mexicans as you can across treacherous terrain in front of Sen. McCain’s house in Arizona and deposit them safely behind his mansion’s walls. First one hundred buyers receive a John McCain bobble-head complete with band-aid on his noggin.
For Jeff Flake supporters how about a white surrender flag. Hand stitched in France the country known for surrender this gift will be a hit for sure. Comes in small, medium, large and extra-large.
For people who believe Robert Mueller is an objective investigator for the Trump collusion fantasy how about an English to Russian dictionary and any transcript of a Trump speech. You want to prove Trump/Russia collusion so why not make up your own. Heck Bobby you’ve been at it a year and the only thing you can prove is President Trump likes Russian salad dressing.
Look, I hope my blog today was at least a little funny. No politicians were injured in the writing of this blog. Trip to Kenya is subject to availability. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely unintentional and most of what was printed here is a figment of the blog authors imagination.