News We All Can Use???…………

Just thought I might have some fun with some news headlines I found while surfing the internet. As always I report you decide how valid they are.

Kale….The green shrubbery looking substance that comes in salads, smoothies and the produce section of most supermarkets is known for having a bitter taste unless it’s enhanced by a flavorful dressing. If you are a brave individual who wants to show the world just how healthy you really are, you might consume it raw  but your taste-buds will probably never forgive you. According to the The Babylon Bee internet news service Satan has recently claimed responsibility for creating this bitter veggie that is quite actually a product from Hell. Lucifer admits money was the motive and he has acquired some serious wealth from health nuts who regularly purchase kale chips, smoothies and other kale related products. I guess the moral of this story is BEWARE don’t sell your soul for health.

Contraceptives – Europe is considered by some people to be more free thinking and enlightened than Americans. I guess people are entitled to their opinions but this story shows how gullible Europeans can really be. Bragging they have 400,000 users in Europe  the Natural Cycles app uses an algorithm to predict when women will be fertile. It tracks a woman’s body temperature, menstruation cycle to warn women when the best time is to use traditional contraception before engaging in recreational sex. Apparently Sweden has noticed an increase of unplanned pregnancies with women who are using the app as a birth control guide. I know there is an app for just about everything out there but birth control? Oh well I guess a fool and their money will always be fair game. this story by the way came from the most distrusted source in news, CNN.

From web-site PJ Media comes an interesting take on the anti-government protests that have shaken Iran. There is a theory circulating the internet accusing these protesters of being Islamophobic. So let me get this right, Islam practicing Muslims protesting their Islamic run government in Iran are actually Islamophobic? I would have never guessed that a practitioner of Islam could actually be afraid of themselves. Maybe that explains suicide bombers, maybe they are just depressed Islamophobia sufferers. If  true I wish they would commit suicide by themselves instead of in crowds.

From gizmodo.com comes a Big Brother is watching story involving everybody’s favorite social media site Facebook.  In 2014 Facebook filed a patent application that would enable Facebook to use smart phone data to identify people who are walking together or merely passing by one another at a social gathering. Facebook would then use the tech to suggest these people might be possible friends you could talk to on Facebook. Right now Facebook uses address books and contact lists from phone users but this tech would allow the social media giant to get even more familiar with its users. I don’t know, I already think Facebook is too damn nosy this might cause me to rethink using Facebook even occasionally.

I guess I really am old and naive. On a website called news busters I found an article that Nancy Pelosi a Democrat political icon who has been in office since shortly after the Civil War was planning to appear on a Reality TV Show called RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars. My initial thought was, I didn’t know Nancy had an interest in drag racing and what I thought might be fuel-injected funny cars. Well color me silly but apparently the meaning of drag race has changed. Ru’s show involves female impersonator’s showing their various ‘talents’. Sorry but you couldn’t drag me over to that TV channel with wild horses. Nancy should really be judging a face-lift competition, if her face is stretched any further she is going to look like a caricature of herself. Never-mind too late she already looks that way.

From the Miami Herald comes a story that proves beyond any doubt that government is totally useless. Juana Escudero who lives in Spain has been trying to prove to the Spanish government that she did not die in 2010. Apparently another woman with the same name passed away over 6 years ago and ever since Juana can’t renew her driver’s license, vote or even make a doctor’s appointment. This poor woman finally tracked down the dead woman whose she shares a name with and is now petitioning the courts to exhume the body so she can actually prove she is very much alive. DOH, using 6 years of your life to prove your actually alive. Yep sounds like government at work to me.

The Museum of Ice Cream in Miami had a fun idea, why not fill a swimming pool with fake sprinkles that ice cream lovers enjoy and let kids romp around in the pool and have some fun. Well the city of Miami wasn’t having fun with this idea. Seems the plastic fake sprinkles ended up polluting Miami’s water drains in and around the museum and the museum had to pay a $1,000 fine for their publicity stunt. Wonder why they didn’t use real sprinkles?

Hopefully no fines are in my future for today’s reporting. Thanks for reading………

 

 

 

 

 

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