Alright let me get this out-of-the-way. From the time I almost drowned in a Baptismal Fount until about 30 years of age I was a Catholic. I was the quintessential practicing Catholic because I admit I didn’t exactly follow church doctrine and law to the letter. So even though I grew up and became a Christian, I still remember a thing or two about being a Catholic. So if my blog seems like I might be attempting to insult Catholics and their Pope, well you just might be right. I believe that is exactly what I will try to do, in a fun way of course.
Recently Pope Francis, Frank for the purposes of today’s blog, recently met with executives from the oil and power sectors. Frank believes we need to devise a long-term strategy to save the world from global climate change. In the old days, before the world renown showman Albert Francis Gore made polar bears the star in his ‘Inconvenient Truth’ movie, climate change was just known as weather. Al made millions peddling his BS science theory that oceans will rise and
man-kind OOPS, people-kind (Wife says I need to be nicer in my blogging, so how is that for inclusiveness?) will be destroyed. Of course he made that prediction many years ago and well, I do believe the world is still here. As a matter of fact, Al bought himself a mansion on a beach somewhere so I guess he ain’t too worried. Anyway, I don’t believe in Climate Change, Global Warming or any other nonsense that has only served to make Al Gore rich and Bill Nye look like a total idiot. I think all the theories that we humans are destroying the world are nothing short of a way for wealthy elites to control the masses. That’s my theory and mine alone and I’m sticking with it. I personally intend on leaving a carbon footprint behind that is so big even the Gods will see it and smile.
Back to Pope Frank who believes the Paris Climate Accords will save the world and civilization. Funny, I would have figured a man of God as close to God as any man can be, might believe God would save the world. Somehow, however Frank believes a bunch of snail eating, wine guzzling, cheese consuming surrender monkeys hold the key to saving the world. HUH….Color me surprised. The Accords are a joke, they are not binding and they allow every nation except America to pollute at will to ensure those nations can surpass America and America’s economic dominance. In other words the document is meant to penalize America for being economically strong while other nations that are economically challenged, usually because the governments in those nation’s are corrupt and evil become economically viable. Point of fact, America already does more to combat the false narrative of Climate Change than any other nation on Earth. Again, my theory and opinion.
Alright, enough with the political theories and opinions on
weather Climate Change. I would now like to offer some suggestions on how Pope Frank can lead by example if he really believes civilization is ending. OK Frank how about:
1- Replace all incense burned in Catholic Churches with organic, gluten-free, Rosemary. That incense I smelled all those years serving as an altar boy probably damaged my lungs and I want to give back to the Catholic community by sparing today’s altar boys & girls from the same lung damage.
2- Church Wine. Replace that nasty tasting Church wine with wine made from organic grapes crushed by the beautiful feet of virgin Italian women in Rome. As a family blog the women should be between the ages of 18 and 30, possess some dancing talent and have the same breast measurements as Sophia Loren. Not sure but, all those requirements have got to be able to contribute to making a better tasting wine than the rot-gut used in Catholic Churches world-wide. The energy those lasses use to make the wine would certainly be non-polluting.
3- Natural heating for churches and even the Vatican could be attained by burning heretics and witches at the stake and funneling the heat from the fires into the buildings. Burning these church evil-doers at the stake would bring back a time-honored church tradition and turning this tradition into an environmentally natural heating method would help the world and Catholicism.
4- Just a personal suggestion Frank, you could personally stop talking in public and private concerning matters that you have no expert knowledge about like economics, weather or politics. As a matter of fact if the topic is not based on something Biblical you might want to stop producing the useless hot air you expel when you talk. My goodness the hot air you produce talking about Climate Change alone must be equal to 10 farting cows expelling gaseous fumes. STOP IT. If it ain’t religion related, don’t say it. That is all I am suggesting.
Alright, those are my suggestions and I hope Frank the Pope takes them to heart in the spirit in which they are given. If not well, that’s life. Come on Frank, you know what they say, when criticism hits you in the eye like a big pizza pie, that’s me blogginggggg……………
OW, what the he%# I think I’m on fire. How the heck……………………………………………………….